just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
