moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
