my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
