if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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