I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
