he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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