Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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