When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
