She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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