i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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