DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
