I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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