are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
