My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
