he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
