If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
