Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
