I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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