They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
