Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
