bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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