dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Rumble strips road head = magical
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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