let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
