His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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