A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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