She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
