I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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