my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
