she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
