Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I will pee on everything he values.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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