If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
