This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
