i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
