Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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