When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
