im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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