i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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