I hate all girls vehemently.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
