hotel room ftw
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
