Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
