I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
