What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My sheets look like a crime scene.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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