bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
