My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
