Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
