so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
