so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize