I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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