I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
