ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Randomize
