So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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