Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
