he told me I talked like a deaf person
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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