so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
